April 17, 2007

The Free Pass

By this time, most people are aware of the "Free Pass" agreement that some husbands and wives enter into. Essentially, it's a Top-3 or -5 list of unreachable stars that, should infinite amounts of chance and luck conspire to present the unlikely opportunity to have sex with this person, the partner would allow it. Yeah, it's a total fantasy thing. Unless your partner suddenly changes their top-5 to include your local UPS delivery guy or the gardener.

My personal list includes:

Rachel Weisz

Ever since The Mummy I have had it bad. I fall big for that sexy librarian/teacher look, and she had me from scene one. The rest of the movie could have just been of her READING about mummies in her library, and I would have watched it. Hearing that she's cast in "Sin City 2" made me quite a happy man.

She made many good decisions in her film career, allowing me to ogle her, while my wife ogled the male lead. Her opposite Brendan Fraser in The Mummy, opposite Hugh Grant in About a Boy, opposite Ralph Fiennes in The Constant Gardener, etc. (I later realized that it was she in the craptacular Chain Reaction with Morgan Freeman and Keanu Reeves. I remember thinking "This hot British bird is the ONLY thing going for this movie."

Rosario Dawson

Probably the only thing that redeemed Men In Black 2. Yeah, it was kinda funny, but I just could not...take...my eyes off her for the whole film. I didn't like her so much in Sin City because it took away that cute/sexy thing she has going, and that smile. I overlooked a lot of flaws in "Clerks 2" because of her. My loving wife informed me last night that she now co-writes and appears in her own comic book, and would be in town for The Atlanta Comics Expo this weekend. Tempting as it was, I didn't want to be just another drooling fanboy in a packed auditorium full of drooling fanboys. ("She is beautiful, and she understands our culture! MMMmmmweeehehehe! We must take her underground and make her our queen!!")

Zoe Bell

Before last week, I never even heard of this woman, but her appearance in Act 2 of GRINDHOUSE blew me away. And that's something, figuring that Rosario Dawson was in it as well. (That's her on the left in the picture.) Just seeing her strapped to the hood of a speeding Dodge Charger, struck a chord with the primal grunty man buried in me. She's a stuntwoman by trade, and was the stunt double for Uma Thurman in "Kill Bill" and for Lucy Lawless in the XENA Series. She's not gorgeous, but she has such a strong, happy presence about her, and there's just something about a woman who could SO kick my ass.

So far I only have a Top-3. I'll work on more later. (Warning: May contain Sandra Bullock.)

As for my wife, I'm sure that Jonathan Rhys-Myers from "Bend It Like Beckham" is in there somewhere. "The man can make a plain white shirt look GOOD" was the quote, I think.

UPDATE: I was wrong. Melissa's Top-5: Alan Rickman, Johnny Depp, Jake Gyllenhall, Ken Watanabe and Kenichi Matsuyama. (and just the VOICE of Donald Southerland.)

PS: Before some of you judge this list as sexist: While it WOULD be all sensitive-Male of me to put my wife on my fantasy top-5 list, it would be rather insulting. This is a list of people that I know I'll probably never meet (without paying admission or for a signed photo), much less have a chance with. Putting my wife on this list would indicate that the chances of ending up with her are infinitesimal. Obviously that is not the case. She's thankfully #1 on my REALITY list.

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