January 04, 2007

Anatomy of a Dork

I was scanning in some old pictures my parents brought over, and I was amazed at my personal history of social ineptitude, captured on so many painful pictures. I have always been a dork, looking back. And the troubling thing is that I always look so HAPPY being that way in the pictures. I had no CLUE.

Anatomy of a Dork: Preface

From am early age, I was marked for Dorkdom. There was no room for error. Even at this early age, my brother couldn't look away from my ultra-dweeby pants. And he had the cool cowboy thing going on. And when you start this bad, it only gets worse.

Anatomy of a Dork: 1987
Flash forward to 1987. Living in Columbus, Ohio, playing in the Dublin Middle School Band, and I had just given up playing with "Schnookie", my bear puppet. Don't ask me why I had my brother take this picture of me (He's the pair of shorts under the flash). Was this a sultry snapshot that I wanted to "accidentally" drop in front of some girl, trying to impress her?

Dork1And in 1991, it wasn't much better. I had given up the saxophone for the Bass Drum in the Marching Band, and I'd hit my growth spurt and was a 6-Foot beanpole. I Still couldn't dress myself. For some reason, I spent $500 in summer earnings buying a DJ Setup, figuring I could do parties for extra money. Mostly, I just made mixtapes. For myself. To give my music "Street Cred", I bought a drum machine. I ended up using it to play hip-hop beats along with the "Les Miserables" soundtrack, calling it "Les Mix".

The pics ended there. Aside from documenting some bad haircuts and a failed beard, the Dorkiness turned inward during the college years. In closing, just so you know, I DID have a brief period of Un-Dorkiness before plunging back into its grip:

1 comment:

  1. It wasn't our fault.
    Blame it on the 70s
    And the 80s
    And the 90s.