January 20, 2005

LinkNews Digest [01/20/2005]

They Call Me... "Darth Tater"

PAWTUCKET, Rhode Island (AP) -- "A spud on the dark side." That's how toy maker Hasbro Inc. is promoting its latest Mr. Potato Head figure, Darth Tater. The toy spud will be available next month, ahead of the May release of "Star Wars: Episode III -- Revenge of the Sith," the latest installment in that film series.

Darth Tater will come with a light saber, cape and helmet, in addition to the regular Mr. Potato Head accessories such as eyes, mouth and nose. The Pawtucket-based toy maker says children will be able to "have all kinds of mix n' match, Mr. Potato Head fun with this wacky spud dressed as the infamous `Star Wars' villain, Darth Vader." The toy will retail in the United States for $7.99.

The Pope Gets His Ferarri

VATICAN CITY (Reuters) Formula One world champion Michael Schumacher and the rest of the Ferrari team met the Pope in the Vatican's frescoed Clementina Hall to give him the 1:5 scale model of the car that won both the championship and constructor titles in 2004.

Ferrari President Luca di Montezemolo told the Pope Ferrari drivers, mechanics and management wanted to honor him because his courage and defense of human rights had put him "for the past 26 years in the pole position of the roads of humanity."
But Wait!! The clever word-smithing allusions don't stop there! Continue, gentle readers...
"It is the first time that one of our cars -- even though it is a model -- has entered the Vatican," Montezemolo told the Pope. "We consider this the most prestigious finishing line for us. We feel like you are one of us and we thank you for the example you have given."
And now, a bit of Journalistic license:
There was a poignant contrast between the speed represented by the model car whose real version can reach 350 kph (218 mph) and the slow movement of the 84-year-old Pope, who no longer walks and was wheeled into the room on a special chair.

From the "Bad Timing" File

Scant weeks before December's Tsunami disaster, a new band was making the rounds, with the unfortunat name of "50 Foot Wave". The band is finding themselves facing closed doors. It hearkens back to 2001, when new band Drowning Pool's song "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was dropped from alt-rock stations because it was released a few weeks prior to the 9/11 disaster.

Why I Don't Have a Tattoo

Because I'd end up with something like This. I pondered getting a tattoo once, when I was 18. It would have been a claymore sword piercing a green hill, with the hill bleeding, and a scroll banner across the bottom that said "Chivalry". Needless to say that I'm thankful EVERY DAY that I did not get this done. (Link) (Ha! Get it? "Link"?)

WD-40 To Curb Cocaine Use

LONDON (Reuters) - The makers of the handy spray lubricant WD-40 proudly list 2,000 uses for their product, from unsticking rusty screws or squeaky bicycle chains to polishing frying pans. But British police have found another -- keeping the public from snorting cocaine off toilet lids in bars.

Police in the English city of Bristol said Tuesday they have been advising pub and nightclub owners to spray the colorless lubricant on toilet seats and other flat surfaces in the lavatory that customers often use to snort drugs.

Apparently, cocaine and spray lube don't mix. "A chemical reaction takes place with the cocaine that causes it to congeal and become a mess so it's unusable," a police spokesman said. "It's one very small, very cheap way in which you can very seriously restrict the amount of drug use in your premises."

1 comment:

  1. I loved the first story. I just hope that Ron White isn't a litigious sort. Can't you just imagine the headlines? "Tater Salad sues Darth Tater for copyright infringement. . ."